Life after Divorce

Life begins at forty they said, but at forty my life was turned up sided down, I was going through a divorce, and it was rough. That started a whirlwind of emotions and experiences. So, my journey of being forty and divorced began, with my two children and I moving out of the home I shared with my husband for thirteen years into a rental apartment.

I was scared and happy at the same time, scared because I was going to be alone and managing everything on my own. Happy because it was time for new beginnings, my ex-husband and I shared the same living space during the divorce.

Every month I was livid when I had to pay $1,200.00 in rent but peace, they say is priceless. I had to be the ears and eyes in my household and protecting my children became my main concern.

The bible says for the husband is the head of the wife … (Ephesians 5:23) and I certainly experienced my covering being removed from me and I felt exposed. Suddenly, men were coming to me from all directions I figure they saw my naked ring finger. The comments I got from them were: “I know a beautiful woman like you has to be married”, “geez on man you sexy ya, I done know a man has you snatched up” I found the comments sickening and embarrassing and I began wearing fake wedding bands to keep men away. That didn’t work as I had imagined.

Even men in they twenties started to approach me something I had never experienced. All of them had the same line “I may be young but I am very mature and age is just a number.” I certainly wasn’t looking to be a “sugar mummy”, and neither was I looking to get my groove back during that time.

I had too much going on in my life to think about starting a new relationship. Life after divorce had me in a tumbleweed of bewilderment, I felt like I no longer belong in some groups at church because the invitations no longer came. I couldn’t understand what was happening, was my identity hidden in marriage? Was I no longer an individual? I was still an individual who needed love and support during this difficult time.

 

Dane Cunningham said “Divorce is like a death without a burial”, and I experienced the five stages of grief which are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. But, after numerous sessions of therapy, I began to heal from the raw wounds caused by the rejection I felt from the divorce. My life at forty started when I recognized that life goes on after divorce.

                         Written by Sharon Douglin

                                          Barbados