I struggled with my Identity

Growing up I was an extroverted by nature, I liked to dance, play around and be free to just be me however, when I got married, I married a Pastor and things changed.

Here I was, used to being a certain way but almost as soon as I got married, it seemed there was a subtle line that dictated how I was supposed to act and behave.

I remember, people didn’t really say anything to me, but they acted it out, they “showed” me in very subtle ways how I should dress, cook and my personality was meant to be. I felt like I was losing myself. I felt like I was beginning to lose my Identity. I found myself beginning to conform.

At the time I felt like someone had opened a box and put me in it.

I remember, one day I was at work, this was in 2016 and as I worked, I heard the phrase, “when are you going to start living out my dreams and purposes for your life? I looked around me to see who was speaking and heard God say, it is me. For the very first time, it seemed like scales fell off my eyes. I had never seen myself in that light before then. I remember saying, “Lord, forgive me. I have never seen myself in this way before. 

From today, I begin to live for the audience of one, you alone, God and that was the beginning of walking in my identity in Christ. “It seemed like I had been set free.

Recently, however, the journey progressed when God began to show me who he created me to be and the value I carried. 

This he did through Ephesians 2:10. I had been reading that verse for a while but on one of the days, as I looked at it, God began to ask me some questions.

He asked me if I knew what a masterpiece was. Because I didn’t really know, I searched for the meaning and found out that it was a unique work of art handcrafted by an artist.

Then, He asked, if you take 2 masterpieces to the auction table, will they command the same price? I responded I don’t know! God then responded, no they will not because they are both unique, they are both special, they are both one of a kind.

 The more I meditated on that verse, the more I discovered who I was and the worth of my value discovering that it is determined by my creator and no one else.

 I am who he says I am hence what anyone else says doesn’t matter and there my struggles ceased.

                    Written by Olugbemisola Olabode

                                 British Columbia, Canada